Romeo & Juliet is Overrated and This is Why

Juliet Capulet is a dumb beezy.

I mean, Romeo is dumb too.  But in the beginning I feel bad for him.  He's heartbroken because this chick Rosalind would rather join a convent than marry him - like, she'd literally take NO SEX EVER before she marries Romeo - and that totally blows.  Romeo, I feel for you.  That's gotta hurt.

So his boi Mercutio, who's kind of a douchebag but then again he's an Italian teenage boy so it's chill - convinces him to sneak into the home of his family's MORTAL ENEMIES.  Like, these families HATE each other.  Oh my god you know this part already.  But this is important so I'm reiterating.

So Romeo sneaks in and kaBLAM he falls in love AT FIRST SIGHT with some 13 year old beezy.  Soo that heartache concerning Rosalind took all of like a half hour to get over.  This boy's love track record blows.  Moving on.

At first he's all "OMG she's super cute" and then he finds out that's JULIET CAPULET THE DAUGHTER OF THE ENEMY so he's all "oh shit looks like I'm in love with the daughter of my father's enemy now oh well" so then he goes over to her and flirts with her and she's all "omg he's super cute" and she, being kind of slutty for such a young age (it's called college, sweetie, you can wait), makes out with a dude whose name she doesn't even know.

And then later she finds out it's ROMEO who SNUCK IN EVEN THOUGH HE IS THE ENEMY.  Like, the dude snuck into his family's enemy's house and made out with the 13 year old daughter.

Honey, you got played.

So she should be all sorts of pissed but instead she's all "oh who cares it's just a name I know he loves me" and luckily for her she turns out to be right.

OH WAIT.  FOUR DAYS LATER SHE DIES BECAUSE LOVE.  So maybe a healthy dose of taking a step back and thinking things through isn't like the worst thing that could ever happen.

And as evidenced by Romeo's crazy fast getting-over-Rosalind thing that happened FIVE DAYS BEFORE HE DIED BECAUSE LOVE, all they had to do was take a step back and remember "oh right I'm a teenager it's hormones also Italy."  They're confusing love with infatuation.  I bet they would hate each other so hard after a year.

Like, let's see what that marriage looks like.  None of their kids would have the same daddy (because love all the time), and Romeo would be on a first-name basis with every whore in... Venice?  Is that where they are?  Whatever.  (Also because love all the time.)

And then we get modern updates where Romeo & Juliet live in the end which is dumb because their deaths are the BEST part of the play.  When I read it and I was like GOOD DIE YOU STUPID STUPIDHEADS.  Like what's a couple teenage death when it means the end of hostilities between feuding families?  Looking at you TayTay Swift.

Anyway there are like way better love stories that Shakespeare wrote so we can all do better than get hung up on stupid teenagers killing themselves because they're emotionally unstable.

End Of Thought.