This is
where I say “I’m not like other girls.” And
all the other non-girl girls nod their heads in agreement and we all pat
ourselves on the back for being fellow non-girl girls who are totally not like
other girls because ugh, OTHER GIRLS, am I right?
No. Absolutely nothing in the first paragraph
makes me special. This is the myth we’ve
been taught to believe: the average girl
is a crazy, shallow bitch, and if you’re different, you’re “not like other
girls.”
I
remember the first time I was hated on by another girl simply because of my
gender. I was 19, and a couple guy
friends were having a party. I was over
there pretty often, so I knew almost everyone there. But there was one girl, a friend of Bob’s
(not his real name), who I didn’t recognize.
So I thought, in the spirit of drunken friendliness, that I’d try to
engage. My girlfriends and I are firm
believers that alcohol + music = dance party, so I invited her to join us.
That
look she gave me, like I was some kind of ditzy freak that was just not worth
her time, confused the shit out of me. I
confronted my friend about it the next day and he explained to me that “she
just doesn’t like other girls.”
What. First of all, she’s a girl. If she met herself at a party, she would hate
herself. Right? Do I have that right? Secondly, I’m awesome. Why would she want to deprive herself just
because of my gender? Which happens to
be HER gender?
Since
then, I’ve been introduced to this concept time and time again. I haven’t experienced quite that level of
immediate disdain since, but I HAVE been told that “all my friends except you
are guys because I hate girls” from other friends of mine.
This
isn’t to say dump your guy friends. I
have a ton of guy friends (ohmygodI’msopopular) and they mean the world to me,
just like my girlfriends do. Sometimes you
just like typical “guy” stuff, so you have more in common with dudes. That’s not girl hate; that’s guy love. There’s a world of difference.
But
here’s the thing. Too many of my female
friends are drama-free cool chicks.
They’re smart and funny and easy to get along with. They are NOT the exception.
And
plenty of guys I’ve met are gossip-mongering dicks who passive-aggressively
attack their friends, often just for a chance to bang some chick. We recognize THEY are the exception. Why do we not recognize that for
ourselves? If a girl is a drama queen,
she’s typical. If a guy is, he’s an
anomaly.
But I’m
guilty too. When I’m at a party and I
see some hot girl there, my first instinct is to assume that bitch is judging
me. It takes a few moments to realize
that I am also that bitch, that she might be super cool, and that not all
instincts are created equal and I should just be chill and say hi.
Because
I’ve been that slutty girl showing off my ass in that dress. Wearing make-up doesn’t make a woman shallow.
Saying “like” every other word is just
how I communicate. I can’t judge others,
because none of the above negates my own personal awesome.
We have
to fight against these prejudices every day, and instead of getting mad at the
prejudices themselves, we get mad at the people we perceive to be propagating
these prejudices. No! It’s the prejudices that are fucked up, not
the made-up numbers of ladies we assume are actually like this.
And
maybe I’m wrong. Maybe most girls are
crazy drama queens who body snark behind each other’s backs. But honestly, I don’t give a shit. My girlfriends are too important to me to
assume that every girl I meet sucks. I
fucking hated it when that was assumed of me.
You’re
not awesome despite your gender. You’re
awesome – end of sentence. Solidarity,
sister. Solifuckingdarity.
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