An Unoriginal Thought on Celebrity Gossip

I don't care about who's dating whom.



No, stop, I know you've heard this one!  And it's not a new idea, and what's the harm since they're never gonna know you, and everybody is guilty of gossip (except those assholes who make you feel bad about it, which, ugh, amirite?) so who cares.

And I used to be ALL UP ON THAT.  I loved celebrity gossip.  I loved taking sides in Jennifer vs Angelina (hard to feel bad for Brad in this case).  I loved seeing how craycray Tom Cruise was gonna act next.  Ohmygod how stupid is KStew for smoking pot in public?  Britney shaved her headddd and Miley is the next Britneyyyy and some other celebrity got caught with naked pictures and then pretended they weren't her LOLOL Lindsay Lohan enough said.

I'm not gonna go for the "it's ruining their lives" argument because that argument sucks.  They didn't have to be famous, they didn't have to be trashy, blahblahblah who cares they are that's part of the deal.

The real problem is this:  who gives a shit.

See, the reason TMZ and Perez Hilton are always the first to give you the goss on who is preggo is because they're willing to be totally wrong.  Which, for a news source, is totally wack.  But they're not trying to be news.  They're gossip sites.  They really couldn't possibly care less if they're wrong.

So you get this juicy story on who Kim Kardashian is seeing now (and yes, at this point we know it's Yeezy and that is so great OMG let's have an opinion), only to find out it's wrong.  Jennifer Aniston apparently gets her heart BROKEN after 2 dates with a guy, which couldn't possibly, in any universe, be accurate.  Pooooor Jen.  Maybe she found love with Justin "Played a Dick Lawyer on Parks & Rec" Theroux.

The reason it's hard to care is because half the time the info is wrong.  We're talking in half-truths about the relationships of people we've never even met. All of that sentence bothers me, but the half-truth really stings.  If we can't even get our facts right, we have to consider just why we care so much about getting the facts in the first place.

So.  Say it with me.  "I don't care who Rihanna is sleeping with.  I can't believe Katy Perry and John Mayer sleeping naked together is a story.  How did the Jennifer/Brad/Angelina love triangle stay in the papers for FIVE YEARS.  I don't know these people, I don't know anything more than what the publicity machine tells us, and it makes me look like an idiot for getting emotionally invested in people we legitimately nickname KStew and RPatz."

Now, if I knew these people personally, it'd be a whole different story.  I love that kind of gossip.  But come on.  This is lame.  Let's do better.