Being Weird Doesn't Make You Interesting

I went to a college party last night.  I know, I know.  You guys are super jealous.  Well, I had two revelations.  Both of which I'd had before.  So I guess it was like re-revelations.  I get re-revelations so many more times than first-time revelations it's ridiculous.  Like "oh right, I hate the way my breath smells after a cigarette" or "don't go see a children's movie on a Saturday afternoon" (ParaNorman was awesome; the screaming children were not).

So the two re-revelations were as follows:  I am too old for college parties already, and being weird doesn't make you interesting.  I'm not going to talk about the first re-revelation because, well, I've already said everything I'm going to say.  But let's talk about the second one.

You ever hear of this college USC?  Good at football, located in LA.  I'm being annoying.  Anyway, I got a cousin at the film school there, so I went down to see what all the talk was about and also I like my cousin because he's a cool guy who knows how to throw a cool party.  I had some good times, some laughs, maybe a Bud Light or two.  I don't like crowds or pretending to care about someone I just met, but you know.  I'm too old for college parties.

I mention the film school thing because it gives you an idea of the type of crowd you might find there. Mostly white, a little hipster, loves movies/TV/internetz.  People who just, like, HAVE to express themselves (like bloggers, so I felt right at home!  Hurray!).  And while walking to say hello to my brother and my cousin at one point, the button on the back of my pants got caught on the dress that one of these fine gentlemen had chosen to wear.

It's the weekend before school.  You're trying to make a statement.  I get it.  But when I first saw Dude in a Dress (trying as hard as possible to look like a dude in a dress - seriously, not a cross dresser, just this dude in a dress), I thought... nothing.  Literally.  I might have thought he was overdressed.  Like, I wouldn't wear that dress to this occasion, personally.  Wasn't really my style, either.  I was sort of planning on spending the evening never talking to this dude because at some point the conversation was going to end up being about why he's wearing a dress, and I so just did not care.  There is literally no single answer to why that dude was wearing a dress that I would find remotely interesting.

But alas, my pants got caught on his dress while walking by and I don't even know how but it happened.  So I say "I'm sorry" and fix that problem.  He turns to me and asks, "Why did you grab my dress?"

"I didn't.  I got caught.  I'm sorry."
"What's wrong with my dress?  Why would you grab my dress?"
"I... didn't."
"What do you have against my dress?  Why would you do that?"
Then this girl comes over.  They must be friends because she's wearing a flower bonnet.

A FUCKING FLOWER BONNET.  Oh Jesus I am so bored by these fashion choices.  "Look I'm different!" it tries to scream.  "Great, I give zero shits," I silently reply.

"She grabbed my dress," he tells her.
"No, I didn't, my pants got caught-"
"Why did you grab his dress?" she asks.
"I didn't."
"What's wrong, are you biased against his dress?  Why do you hate his dress?"
(Because it's fucking ugly.)
"What do you have against his dress?"
"Why would you grab my dress?"
"What's wrong with you?  Who does that?"
"Why are you harassing me?"
"Why are you harassing him?"

At this point her stupid face combined with her stupid flower bonnet make me not want to look in her direction.  So I end up facing this dude's chest.  Whose nipple is on full display.  Because of all things, he picked a dress that didn't even fit right.  Seriously, at least wear a dress that covers you up.  AT LEAST DO THAT.

"Why are you staring at his chest?" she aggressively asks, and there's a pause, like they have emerged victorious in making me feel like such shit.  THE MOVIE BULLY CAME OUT THIS SUMMER COME ON NOW.
"Well, this has been so much fun," I say, finally thinking of some response that (I hope) let's them know that I judge them for being boring dickshits just as much as they judge me for... whatever terrible thing it is that I did.

Because really, your dress and your flower bonnet are not interesting.  They're boring.  The reason I'm talking about this at all is because of how cunty you two acted during an unlucky chance encounter when, if I had had it my way, I wouldn't have talked to either of you at all.  Because your outfits conveyed one thing:  you think you're fascinating because you wear something "different," which means your grasp on how society works is juvenile and simplistic and also I hate you, you pretentious, boring fucks.

Being weird.  Does NOT.  Make you interesting.  It makes you weird.  Weird is not good or bad, unless it is combined with boring.  Boring and weird is quite possibly one of the worst combinations ever.  So take pride in making people uncomfortable, because there's precious little else you have to offer.

You stupid, flower-bonnet-wearing, dressy hipster douchebags.


Thank you.  End of rant.