Is One Direction a shitty band? Yes. Are their songs catchy to the point that I probably know all the words to "What Makes You Beautiful"? Yes. Yes I do.
I like pop music. I'm not about to apologize for singing along to Demi Lovato. And errbody loves Carly Rae anyway (and if you don't let's not hang out ever). And there's a LOT of pop music that has terrible lyrics. Katy Perry's ET, for example, is about a woman who straight up says she "wan[ts] to be a victim, ready for abduction." This is also a terrible message for twelve-year-old girls, because that is not love, that is Stockholm Syndrome. There is a difference.
But I'm talking to you about One Direction, because they are crazy mondo popular with the tween set right now in a way only matched by Twilight. So let's dissect their two most popular songs, "Insecurity Is Sexy" and "I Love You For Unnamed Thing/Reason."
1. "What Makes You Beautiful"
"You're insecure
Don't know what for
You're turning heads when you walk through the do-oh-or
Don't need make-up
To cover up
Being the way that you are is en-oh-ough"
Okay. So far, so good. A girl who's pretty but doesn't know it. Typical teenage girl, honestly. This type of thing goes on for about half the song, until we get to the money lyrics:
"You don't know you're beautiful
THAT's what makes you beautiful."
Listen, little girls. This is a catch-22. It is perfectly okay to wear make-up and know you look pretty. It is also perfectly okay to not put effort into your appearance and act all DGAF and what not. But thinking you're ugly attracts all sorts of the WRONG guys. Guys worth your time appreciate some good old-fashioned confidence. And being pretty but not thinking you're pretty is a shitty reason for a boy to like you. Being insecure about how you look is NOT beautiful.
Insecurity as sexiness keeps you in a place of subservience to boys who are scared of strong, confident women, and those kinds of boys are beneath you. OH DID I JUST FEMINIST ANALYZE THE CRAP OUT OF ONE DIRECTION???? Yes.
Don't listen to One Direction for dating advice. All their hairs are stupid anyway.
Moving on.
2. "One Thing"
The chorus is as follows:
"So get out, get out, get out of my head
And fall into my arms instead
I don't, I don't, I don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
And you've got that one thing."
First of all, these lyrics are crazy dumb. Good, glad we got that out of the way. Secondly, "I like you but I don't know why" is like the worst of all terrible pick-up lines. NEVER FALL FOR IT. There should be something about you that he can point to, that he likes, that is concrete. Otherwise there is no basis for an actual connection.
"Now I'm climbing the walls
But you don't notice at all"
WHAT. IS HE STALKING YOU NOW. GET OUT. PEEPING TOMS ARE NOT CUTE.
"Something's gotta give now
Cuz I'm dying just to know your name"
Okayyyyyy. Hoooolllllddddd up. This dude is in love with you. Right? You're all he can think about. And yet. This guy. Does not. Even know. Your fucking name.
(Disclaimer: At this point I'm not even aiming this article at 12-year-olds so I'm gonna fucking swear OHFUCKINGKAY????)
(Second disclaimer: songwriters, this is really on you, isn't it? Specifically, record company stiffs who write these songs AIMED at these 12-year-olds)
What is the definition of love? What is required for a good relationship? These boys, they don't love you. They will sex you because you're pretty and then when there is no connection they will inevitably leave you.
Be you, do you, be happy and proud and confident and KNOW you're pretty and KNOW you have all sorts of things to offer besides this mysterious, undefinable, BULLSHIT "one thing" that doesn't even exist.
Also, seriously. You'll see it when you're older. But their hair? SO stupid.
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