"Baby, It's Cold Outside" is a great Christmas song

"Baby, It's Cold Outside" has always been one of my favorite Christmas songs. Growing up, I used to listen to the version with Dean Martin. She & Him did a fun role-reversal version that was pretty great. The lyrics are fun, the song is catchy, and I love Christmas.

On the other hand, I also love finding sexism in media and culture. Why simply enjoy a movie or television show when I can get frustrated about how "bitch" is an acceptable thing to say on broadcast television but "asshole" isn't? Bitch is a gendered insult, America! Asshole is less offensive!

Whew! I got a little heated. Now, for my point. Internet feminists love talking about how the song "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is about a man slipping a woman a roofie and having his way with her. Or it's about a man who won't listen to the word "no" and doesn't care about consent. This man doesn't care about consent! A woman's right to say "no" at any point in the sex process must be respected!

(While I don't agree with that interpretation of the song, I do think a woman's right to say "no" should be respected and that consent is just the bee's knees. I'm not mocking the concept of consent. Consent is great!)

Not everyone agrees with that perspective. Some people argue that we must relate the song to the time it was written, giving it some historical context. This rational school of thought is called New Historicism.

Listen, though. Have you heard the Dean Martin version? Who says no to Dean Martin? Dean Martin's version of love is a kick in the head. Wait - that's not the best defense of Dean Martin. Never mind. Forget the Dean Martin defense.

"Baby, It's Cold Outside" is not about a would-be sex offender tricking a woman into staying in his apartment. The woman wants to stay. She's all about this. Rather, the song is about a woman at war with herself. She wants to stay and be with Dean Martin, but she's also worried society and her family will think she's a dirty slut if she sticks around and she'll get in so much trouble and people will treat her differently. Besides, men don't marry dirty sluts, and if you're an unmarried woman with a reputation in 1944 you might as well kill yourself. So does she give into her wants and stay with a man who thinks she's just swell, or does she do the safe thing and go home?

"Baby, It's Cold Outside" is a condemnation of a society that insists men only want women for sex but then turns around and scolds women for also wanting that sex outside the confines of marriage. The song is actually pretty goddamn feminist. Am I overanalyzing this song in order to fit my own agenda? That question is ridiculous and I refuse to answer it.

Let's look at the lyrics:

Woman: "I really can't stay."
Man: "Oh baby it's cold outside."
W: "I've got to go away."
M: "But baby it's cold outside."
W: "This evening has been-"
M: "Been hoping that you'd drop in."
W: "So very nice."
M: "I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice."

Wow. Not a lot going on there. He probably could have accepted her no at face value, but it's not too bad. How's the next verse?


W: "My mother will start to worry."
M: "Beautiful, what's your hurry?"
W: "My father will be pacing the floor."
M: "Waves upon a tropical shore."
W: "So really I'd better scurry."
M: "Beautiful, please don't hurry."
W: "Well, maybe just a half a drink more."
M: "Put some records on while I pour."

See, this is what I'm talking about. All of the woman's objections are about what her parents would think. Let's assume the man is not a pedophile and this is a grown-ass woman who still lives with her parents. If she didn't want to be there, I think it's safe to assume she would leave. "Well, maybe just a half a drink more," she says after worrying about what her parents will think. Oh yeah. She's into it.


W: "The neighbors might think..."
M: "Baby it's bad out there."
W: "Say, what's in this drink?"
M: "No cabs to be had out there."
W: "I wish I knew how-"
M: "Your eyes are like starlight now."
W: "To break the spell."
M: "I'll hold your hat, your hair looks swell."

Ah, the "what's in this drink" line. It's not a roofie. It's just a strong drink. Roofies are not that old. My mom and her friends did not worry about roofies because that wasn't a thing when they were young. Being a woman today is so great. But seriously, it's not a roofie. It's a strong drink. The answer is probably "bourbon" or "vodka."


W: "I ought to say no, no, no."
M: "Mind if I move in closer?"
W: "At least I'm gonna say that I tried."
M: "What's the sense in hurting my pride?"
W: "I really can't stay."
M: "Baby don't hold out."
W&M: "Ah but it's cold outside."

First of all, he asked for permission. Wow. He really respects women. That's great. Secondly, she when she says "at least I'm gonna say that I tried," she is again focused on what other people will think, not on whether or not she actually wants to be there. She wants to be there, there's no question - she just doesn't want other people to judge her for it.
"Baby don't hold out" is an unfortunate line, admittedly, but even she's using the "baby, it's cold outside" excuse by this point.


W: "I simply must go."
M: "Baby it's cold outside."
W: "The answer is no."
M: "No cabs to be had outside."
W: "The welcome has been-"
M: "How luck that you dropped in."
W: "So nice and warm."
M: "Look out the window at the storm."

Uhhhh... okay, this is a bad verse on its own. Let's just remember the context of this verse within both the song and the time it was originally written.


W: "My sister will get suspicious."
M: "Gosh your lips look delicious."
W: "My brother will be there at the door."
M: "Waves upon a tropical shore."
W: "My maiden aunt's mind is vicious."
M: "Gosh your lips are delicious."
W: "Well maybe just a cigarette more."
M: "Never such a blizzard before."

Okay, he's not exactly listening to any of her objections. That's not all that chill. On the other hand, all of her objections are related to what her family will think, not what she wants.


W: "I've got to get home."
M: "Oh baby you'll freeze out there."
W: "Say, lend me your coat."
M: "It's up to your knees out there."
W: "You've really been grand."
M: "I thrill when you touch my hand."
W: "Why don't you see?"
M: "How can you do this thing to me?"

Damn, she's asking for his coat like it ain't no thang. Good for her. But also, there's a point to be made about how the man is getting pretty damn whiny about this situation.


W: "There's bound to be talk tomorrow."
M: "Think of my lifelong sorrow."
W: "At least there will be plenty implied."
M: "If you caught pneumonia and died."
W: "I really can't stay."
M: "Get over that hold out."
W&M: "Ah, but it's cold outside."

See, she's still only worrying about what other people would say, not about whether or not she wants this. And she ultimately decides to fuck the haters and do what she wants. Good for her! Get down with your bad self! You are your own independent woman.

At least, I'm like 99% sure this is the feminist message Frank Loesser had in mind when he originally wrote the song. What else could it be?