That was a really fun experience for me, so I decided I wanted to live tweet again, except by tweet I mean blog. And I wanted to pick an actor and revisit some of their old roles in different movies.
Picking an actor was tough. Obviously Nicolas Cage came to mind. I thought that would be too on the nose, so I decided against it.
I went through a lot of options. Jim Carrey I checked out, but he has literally no movies on Netflix (how is that even possible?), and since I'm lazy and only watching movies I can find on Netflix, I crossed him off the list.
Harrison Ford is prolific, but he only plays Harrison Ford and stars in Harrison Ford movies. Every movie has similar elements. Liam Neeson was nixed for the same reason. As was George Clooney. Will Smith. I wanted somebody who played both leads and bit parts - someone who showed up in movies you had no idea they were in. Fun surprise cameos every now and then.
Gabrielle Union was a strong option. She was in Two Can Play at That Game as a supporting character, and I love that movie. She was in She's All That. Another classic. She starred in a BET movie about a responsible woman holding her siblings together - Mary Jane. Another great one. I realized, however, that I had seen most of the movies she was in that currently stream on Netflix, so I decided against Gabrielle Union.
I had narrowed down the list to Kevin Bacon versus Woody Harrelson. Woody Harrelson was, and still is, a solid choice, but ultimately I decided Kevin Bacon was so much more fun. Bacon starred in films like Footloose, but he also was in Queen Latifah's Beauty Shop. Did you know that? Did you know he was in that movie? Like, who did he even play? That's great. Kevin Bacon is the kind of guy who just surprises you.
Then I suddenly remembered Paul Rudd. Man, what a talent. What a varied list of films and roles he's been in. Clueless, Halloween, Wet Hot American Summer, Anchorman... this was tough. Who do I choose?
So I called my 20-year-old cousin because I assumed she would answer me, and I assumed correctly. She told me her roommates had no idea who Kevin Bacon is, which was a statement that sounded like mostly gibberish to me. What does that sentence even mean, "I don't know who Kevin Bacon is"? What are you trying to say here?
I feel, then, that it is my duty to educate whoever comes across this blog on the storied and wondrous career Kevin Bacon has had throughout the decades. Maybe I will choose Paul Rudd movies next, although more likely I will choose my man Woody H or my lady Gabrielle U.
Kevin Kline's list of works on Netflix is confounding. Maybe I'll go through his films as well. (Films only - television would take too long. This also conveniently saves me from having to watch The Following.)
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| Seriously. This is the most random collection of film and television. If someone yesterday had asked me "what's the link here?" I would have been like "all of these projects were made." |
Okay, let's get started. I'm going with chronological order with what's on Netflix. Unfortunately, Netflix doesn't have Animal House or Friday the 13th, so our first Kevin Bacon movie is the 1984 classic Footloose!
Oh man. The opening is the Footloose song. That's so good.
People's feet tapping to it.
Literally cannot even fathom people not liking this.
Oh shit John Lithgow and Sarah Jessica Parker in the credits. It has been a million years since I've seen this movie. I am so excited.
Some of these shoes are so 80s.
That sequence went on for 2 minutes 35 seconds.
Kevin Bacon is so over Preacher John Lithgow railing against rock n' roll.
3 minutes 42 seconds in, lady in the bottom right-hand corner is so concerned about rock n' roll right now.
Girls gossiping about how cute Kevin Bacon is while in church. Religious small towns, am I right?
Kid being woken up during mass at 4:52 is everything I know about Sunday mass.
5:25 - Sarah Jessica Parker calls Kevin Bacon a "stunning new gentleman" which is maybe one of the best compliments I've heard in a while. Religious small towns in the 80s, am I right?
5:31 - oh my god those girls just laughed at his name are you serious? It's Ren. I will be calling him Kevin Bacon though.
5:34 - John Lithgow's daughter is not impressed with Kevin Bacon like the other girls are. Romance is in the air.
6:10 - woah one of their high school buddies just had her baby and isn't 100% sure who the father is? Damn. Religious small towns, am I right?
6:56 - drag race with 4 girls in one sedan junker versus one guy in a souped up pickup truck junker. Also, he has a boombox set up behind him. Technology.
6:59 - just fully appreciated his deer antlers on the roof of his truck. Damn. He put those there on purpose.
7:24 - wait. Wait. Preacher's daughter Ariel is going from sedan to the truck while both are driving at a fairly high speed? She is so crazy. I was in high school and never that crazy. She must be rebelling against her ridiculously strict preacher father who hates rock n' roll.
8:45 - Ariel makes bad choices, like having one foot precariously in two different car windows at the same time while driving towards a big truck, then choosing the deer antler pick-up truck guy as the person she wants to bone.
9:16 - Kevin Bacon making enemies on his first day in town by defending the book Slaughterhouse Five. Let's appreciate how upset you'd be if you were Kevin Bacon right now. Mom just moved him to this town while he was still in high school. He came from somewhere that let him read Slaughterhouse Five, now they wont even LET HIM ROCK N' ROLL.
10:20 - Kevin Bacon's cousin who is like 10 years younger than him just said, "if you ask me, [Kevin Bacon] is a total fox." What. Religious small towns, am I right?
10:28 - Kevin Bacon's uncle more upset at his daughter's use of the word "fox" than at her inappropriate feelings. RST, AIR?
10:32 - the place everyone goes to is called The Spot LOL.
11:02 - it's nighttime now. Ariel's friends see her at The Spot with deer antler boy and are pissed at her for being so stupid. They make comments about the boy she's with having graduated high school, which means he drives a pick-up in his hometown with deer antlers on it and chases after high school girls. Ariel knows how to pick 'em.
11:36 - oh damn, Ariel playing rock n' roll in public at The Spot. Everyone likes it though.
Is it rock n' roll? Sounds like 80s pop. I'm too young, maybe. Point is the same.
11:53 - lol at the girl dancing while on the payphone.
12:04 - how is everyone able to hear this boombox? Even the guy in the kitchen?
12:36 - everyone is a pretty good dancer considering they're not allowed to listen to this stuff.
12:41 - busted. Preacher John Lithgow is here.
13:34 - Kevin Bacon is putting on a tie as he gets ready for school. Kevin Bacon in so freaking dope in this movie so far.
Mom says maybe don't wear the tie, he can dress like David Bowie when he goes off to college.
I am too young to understand how wearing a tie to school makes you David Bowie.
14:01 - Kevin Bacon shows up in his yellow bug blasting actual rock n' roll music. I was correct in assuming Ariel was playing pop. I am not crazy. Nice.
14:45 - some male student just randomly yells at Kevin Bacon to comb his hair. WHAT IS THIS.
15:09 - Kevin Bacon makes friends with Willard after making fun of the guy's cowboy hat. Boys.
16:02 - solid masturbation joke.
16:40 - I guess Kevin Bacon is so cool he gets college girls to dance even though he's still in high school? Willard is eating this shit up. Insert previous masturbation joke here.
17:46 - solid burn by making up that whole story. Nice. Kevin Bacon is so damn cool.
18:25 - Kevin Bacon's response to finding out dancing is illegal is "jump back." What a great response. I'm using that forever now.
19:40 - solid "Who's on first" wordplay with Men at Work and The Police.
21:23 - what is this music and darkness at the preacher's home? And his very calm, very creepily chill attitude towards Ariel listening to pop music at The Spot is much scarier than if he was just yelling. He's probably one of those dads who doesn't get angry, he gets "disappointed."
21:48 - not getting emotional creates a distance. Ariel just wants some sort of response and he's just like "I can't always look out for you." Oh man, she is eating this shit up. Why does Ariel make bad decisions with the men in her life? This scene right here.
23:30 - deer antler pick up truck guy's name is Chuck. OF COURSE IT IS. We just had our first Chuck vs. Kevin Bacon verbal stand-off. Kevin Bacon won easily. Not a fair fight.
24:22 - never seen somebody get so excited work at a steel mill as Kevin Bacon is right there.
24:46 - woah, Ariel coming on strong to Kevin Bacon right now. Must be how hard he shut down Chuck a minute ago.
24:50 - never mind, she's delivering an invitation to fight Chuck.
25:26 - oh man, Kevin's smile when Ariel tells him she volunteered to invite him to Chuck's fight. He's so into it. He's so cocky. He's so cool.
26:20 - Ariel's pants unzipped with Chuck? Damn girl.
26:55 - Ariel wants out of this small town. Chuck tell her she's as small town as they come. GET OUT ARIEL GET OUT.
27:05 - "A chicken race? With tractors?" Kevin Bacon is not impressed with Chuck's choice for the manliness competition.
27:54 - wait is Chuck smoking weed right now? THIS IS A NEW REVELATION FOR ME. This movie has like a PG rating or something. How? Pants unzipped all over the place, cousins calling each other foxes, catty jokes about teen pregnancy resulting from teen promiscuity, and drugs. This is hardcore stuff.
28:28 - what state are they in? There are hills in the background. Hmm...
29:00 - Appreciating the fact that Chuck turned on his boombox so they could listen to "I Need a Hero" during tractor chicken race.
30:24 - so much I don't understand about small towns, I realize as I watch this tractor chicken fight.
30:40 - oh damn, Kevin Bacon's shoelace is caught! He wants to jump but he can't!
30:59 - AWESOME THAT'S A WIN FOR KEV KEV.
31:54 - oh, Sarah Jessica Parker is giving Ariel the scoop on Kevin Bacon's schedule. Ariel has a crush. Nice. Chuck is no good. Kevin is great.
32:20 - "I never thought he had all his dogs barking anyway." Sarah Jessica Parker talking about Chuck. Man, she has some killer lines in this movie.
33:09 - everybody smokes weed in this movie. Holy smokes. Literally. I have not seen a single alcoholic beverage (even bad boy Chuck was having a Coca Cola at The Spot, which, like, I know he was driving, but there is no way that guy is not guzzling a beer while driving that truck past sundown) but I've seen people smoking the marijuana plant multiple times.
33:12 - Kevin Bacon already has his own weed dealer. I was not this cool in high school, and I'm from a suburb, which is at least a little cooler than a small town. Right? Right?
33:25 - woah, Kevin Bacon got set up by that kid with the Dylann Roof haircut to have a joint in his hand, and the teacher caught him, so Kevin... runs? He runs for it? Woah. I would not be cut out for this small town.
The moral of this story is never trust a white kid with a bowl haircut past the age of 8.
33:49 - everyone is out to get Kevin Bacon because he messed with Chuck and likes Slaughterhouse Five. Damn.
35:31 - Kevin Bacon drives into an abandoned warehouse smoking what I have to assume is a joint. Been a long day, buddy.
35:46 - We have our first alcohol sighting!! Kevin Bacon was drinking a beer while driving??? Dude, not even Chuck does that. Kevin. Buddy. I know it's been a rough day but this is a PG movie so maybe cool it with the drinking for the kids watching at home.
36:07 - these flashbacks are intense, as is this 80s song right now.
36:15 - Kevin Bacon throws his beer bottle and then starts dancing. This scene is about to get incredible. Empty warehouse 80s dancing fueled by drugs and alcohol.
36:34 - actually comforting to know Kevin Bacon dances his feelings because now I know I'm not the only one who does that. Although for me it's typically Cher or Fleetwood Mac or Nicki Minaj.
36:43 - also I never do a cartwheel with no hands. Is that an aerial? Is this actually Kevin Bacon dancing?
36:47 - taking the sweater off. He's for serious.
37:03 - which movie has the most quintessential 80s dance montage? Footloose? Flashdance? Dirty Dancing? Food for thought.
37:21 - Kevin Bacon just grabbed a rope and swung on it across the warehouse in the dark. I am reminded that he's been drinking and smoking.
37:29 - in this sequence it is painfully obvious this is not Kevin Bacon but a stunt double.
38:00 - this is the second time we've seen ol' Kev here do straight up gymnastics, and that's never brought up in the movie as a plot point. I want to know how Kevin, whose mother is so broke she has to move from Chicago (I assume after dad's death? They allude to that very briefly) to her brother's home in some podunk town in the midwest, got all those gymnastic lessons. The midwest in the 80s is a dancing, gymnastic, weed-filled Adventureland.
38:04 - with great music.
38:11 - Ariel showed up. I'll say it. Stalker status. Guess SJP is a pretty good sleuth after all.
39:20 - wait I'm confused. Kevin Bacon has been very interested in Ariel and now all of a sudden she's super forward and he's all "bet you been kissed a lot" which is a shitty, slut-shaming thing to say. I will chalk it up to him being too nervous to compete with the other fellas.
41:48 - Ariel is now standing in front of a train. Does she have a death wish? Or is she unable to get off without some form of extreme adrenaline rush?
43:09 - Ariel getting caught by Preacher John Lithgow. Hasn't she done this before? Sneaking out, I mean.
43:20 - "It's kind of hard to impose a curfew on the young people in my congregation that I can't even enforce in my own home." Jump back! The preacher in this town imposes curfews? Damn son.
43:48 - Preacher John Lithgow says no to his daughter hanging out with Kevin Bacon but where was he when she was fooling around with that idiot Chuck?
44:14 - "There ain't nothing to do with me, Daddy. You like it or not, this is it. It doesn't get much better." Ariel, that's so freaking great. What a great line.
44:28 - Kevin Bacon got kicked off the gymnastics team. I want to know more about a 1980s midwestern boys' high school gymnastics team. Also, I understand the point - Kevin Bacon can't be screwing around with the preacher's daughter - but this raises a couple questions. First, can't athletes kind of just get away with that thing if they're good enough, or is that football only? Second, isn't he good enough? We've seen him, and he's excellent. Third, if the preacher is so powerful, how come Chuck is allowed to do whatevs when he's obvi a dumbass but Kevin Bacon gets punished?
46:29 - John Lithgow has this speech on lock.
47:50 - joint sighting #4
48:17 - also, did Chuck just go peacefully into the night when Kevin Bacon showed up for his girl? Haven't seen him.
49:27 - Ariel is with super cool dancer man Kevin Bacon on this double date at this bar across state lines, and SJP is stuck with Willard who won't dance. SJP bopping in her chair to the music and looking longingly at KB and Ariel is one of the most heartbreaking things I've seen in ages.
50:05 - to be fair, it might be a cigarette, but I'll call this joint sighting #5 for funsies.
50:23 - title song right here! KICK OFF YOUR SUNDAY SHOES.
50:49 - SJP finally has enough during title song and gets up to dance, leaving Willard alone with his beers.
51:18 - uh oh, SJP is dancing with another man...............
52:25 - SJP dancing with ANOTHER man and it's more intimate. Willard is not happy. SJP reminds him again NO FIGHTS but like obvi that's about to happen. The guy tells Willard to "flake off" which is amazing. Flake off.
SJP reminds him NO FIGHTS one last time for good measure.
52:38 - well, no fights. Willard got punched in the nose. If only he had agreed to dance to begin with.
53:57 - Ariel's older brother was killed in a drunk driving accident on that bridge. Hence no dancing. Listen, I get it. Dancing is the worst. The WORST. But I don't see the connection to drinking and driving on a bridge.
55:54 - John Lithgow calls Ariel out on her lie, says she wasn't at a friend's place. Ariel's all "but maybe you should care more about what I'm doing when I'm right here in front of you because you only care what I'm doing when I'm not around." And then he slaps her and he's like "oh shit this is real" so he's not a monster just misguided in his concern and unable to open up emotionally.
57:33 - Mrs. Minister, actress Dianne Wiest, is laying it down for John Lithgow. "You can lift a congregation up so high they have to look down to see heaven. But it's the one-to-one where you need a little work." Drop the microphone, get out.
58:14 - ah, here it is. Chuck set his goons on Kevin Bacon while he's out telling people about the dance he's throwing.
58:38 - but now Kevin has friends and they helped him out. As did Ariel. Nice.
58:55 - Kevin Bacon is confused about going to City Hall to demand the rights to a dance. The best place for this conversation where Willard explains this to him is the boys' locker room. I have never had to endure being naked in a locker room. High school in the 80s was a strange and cruel place.
59:36 - kudos to the actor who plays Willard, because he is phenomenal at playing dumb for laughs. That open-mouthed look is funny every time.
59:53 - Kevin Bacon is teaching Willard how to dance to the song "Let's Hear it for the Boy." One of the great things about this film is how it takes songs from the Footloose musical and incorporates it into the film without the film itself being a musical. So good.
1:03:27 - John Lithgow not on board to burn a book. All of a sudden he's the voice of reason. It took one conversation with his wife. Dianne Wiest is literally that powerful.
1:04:26 - wait, let me clarify. Chuck is done with high school but still hanging around the high school to surprise his old flame Ariel? Gross. Gross gross gross.
1:04:30 - joint #6
1:04:58 - "Hey I'm not stupid!" says the guy with the deer antlers on his truck.
1:06:03 - damn, as if we didn't already know Chuck was the worst. Calls Ariel a bitch in heat and a slut who would sleep with anyone and then beats the shit out of her.
1:06:42 - Kevin Bacon very casual about the fact that Ariel just got the shit beaten out of her.
1:06:57 - Kevin has no beef with Ariel's father, he just wants to dance. Very deep. But realizes his words are a little harsh to a woman who just got beat up.
1:08:31 - ugh they're finally making out. Finally. Just not sure if Kevin Bacon is all that nice to her honestly.
1:09:36 - "I just know that when kids dance together they become sexually irresponsible." Yep.
1:09:42 - Dianne Wiest also thought that was a stupid thing to say. She's laughing. Nice.
1:09:47 - "You talk like that is the only thing that gets them excited." Dianne understands most teenagers don't like the act of dancing itself, just the promise of sexual irresponsibility that is sure to follow.
1:10:23 - John Lithgow is bummed by his wife's laughter and turns off the lights. Dianne gets to the heart of the matter - not undoing their son's death. Okay this is heavy.
1:10:32 - John Lithgow is trying to say it's about spiritual leadership but Dianne is all "you can't be a father to everybody." Stop hiding, Johnny.
1:11:03 - Ariel and SJP tryna get people to go to the town meeting to fight the dance ban. One guy ignores Ariel, so she tries to kick him, and he says "I'll lay you out flat." Small towns, man.
1:11:09 - Ariel still has her black eye. Kevin Bacon makes an obligatory comment about it but yo I don't think he's taking this very seriously. Also, a guy threatened to lay her out flat while she was still sporting that black eye. There are so many things I didn't pick up on when I saw this movie as a kid.
1:12:00 - Kevin doesn't know what he's going to say at the meeting. Ariel pulls out a Bible with earmarks on it. Kevin Bacon is dismissive. Come on dude are you seriously not putting two and two together on this???????
1:12:06 - oh, now he gets it. Passages that aren't anti-dancing. Maybe even pro-dancing.
1:12:18 - Kevin Bacon asks the preacher's daughter how she knew the Bible so well. "Are you kidding?" she asks. Rightfully so. Come on, Kevin.
1:12:42 - someone threw a brick through a window. Teenagers. If it was John Lithgow's house, there goes the dancing. If it was Kevin Bacon's house... I mean, I am just not getting the hate for this kid. Doesn't everyone want to dance? And be sexually irresponsible? Like, isn't this kid super lame for hating on Kevin Bacon's idea? Teenagers. What.
1:12:55 - the brick says "burn in hell." Like, who does that. Religious small towns in the 1980s, I tell you.
1:13:18 - Kevin Bacon's mom lost her job over Kevin Bacon wanting to dance? Jeez. Jesus. What a horrendous place to live your day-to-day.
1:13:31 - her boss told her she oughta stay home and be a proper mother. Oh my god. Women's rights.
1:14:37 - why this dance? Why this town? Because Kevin Bacon's dad left and Kevin blamed himself. Honestly, this movie is all over the place on justifications. Sometimes simplest answer is the best.
1:15:44 - going through with the town hall debate anyway. Cool.
1:16:50 - just clarifying that the preacher is on the city council.
1:17:05 - "fraught with genuine peril." John Lithgow's response to a high school dance. No mention of brick in window.
1:17:22 - Dianne Wiest's face right now though when hearing her husband talk about "spiritual corruption." Like "are you fucking kidding with this right now."
1:19:53 - funny speech where Kevin Bacon doesn't know the Bible. Makes me wish they had let Ariel speak though - why is she letting a boy fight her fights for her? Most importantly, very solid pronunciation of "Ecclesiastes" for someone who is unfamiliar with the Bible.
1:21:03 - Kevin Bacon just walks out after dropping the metaphorical microphone. Doesn't he want to see how they vote? Or do they not vote yet?
1:21:27 - Kevin Bacon's super cool boss pointed out that they already had voted even before the speech.
1:21:46 - "What are you gonna do now?" KB's boss asks. "It's over." "What if it ain't?" Oh damn. KB's boss pointing out that arbitrary city lines and arbitrary city rules can arbitrarily work out in one's favor. Now you just gotta convince John Lithgow to be chill and then everyone's chill.
1:23:32 - only just barely see Ariel's black eye now. Parents have done nothing. If Kevin Bacon is such a bad kid what about Chuck?????? If dating Ariel gets you kicked off the gymnastics team then what does actually fucking her and then beating the crap out of her get you??????????????????
Nothing.
1:23:54 - "[Kevin Bacon] made a lot of people stop and think." Ariel. Girl. He made people think using YOUR WORDS and YOUR RESEARCH. Take credit.
1:24:51 - Damn. Ariel's got stones, admitting to her dad she's not even a virgin. John Lithgow not happy.
1:25:18 - John Lithgow stopping a book burning and about to give a rousing speech. I wonder if his speech against book burning will have some similar points to Kevin Bacon's speech against the ban on dancing.
1:26:14 - Kevin Bacon and John Lithgow have a sitdown. Talking about John Lithgow's son and Kevin Bacon's father.
1:27:29 - aw he was just asking permission to take Ariel to senior prom. Taking away a woman's agency has never been so heartwarming.
1:27:54 - "I just don't know if I believe in everything you believe in. But I believe in you." Ariel to her dad. KILLER line.
1:29:43 - John Lithgow delivering a tough sermon after making some tough decisions. "If we don't ever trust our children, how will we ever raise them to be trustworthy?" Still, no chance he's relenting on the dance thing.
1:30:18 - 80s music starts playing as John Lithgow starts talking about the dance. It's hopeful... it's hopeful... OH DAMN PRAY TO GUIDE THEM IN THEIR ENDEAVORS. HE CHANGED HIS MIND.
1:30:45 - perfectly choreographed motorbikes to prom? All we had was a stupid limo.
1:31:47 - oh never mind, not actual prom yet. Class is just decorating for prom. Willard can't blow up his own balloons.
1:32:12 - Ariel in her prom dress > Molly Ringwald in her prom dress. Talk about actually Pretty in Pink.
1:32:35 - Dianne Wiest gives Ariel the corsage for two reasons. 1) Kevin Bacon has proven to not be a great boyfriend and probably forgot. 2) Women's lib
1:32:56 - OH WHAT. Dianne Wiest didn't even buy the corsage, she just put it on Ariel. John Lithgow bought it. But he'll deny it for... reasons.
1:33:12 - oh damn, Kevin Bacon lost track of what he was going to say because Ariel is SO BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL.
1:33:56 - taking ol' Kevin Bacon's beat-up bug to prom. We just had a stupid limo.
1:34:37 - no one dancing at prom. Probably the lame music they're playing.
1:35:40 - ok, Kevin Bacon is here. Time to start the party.
1:36:23 - dope sweater John Lithgow is wearing as he checks up on his baby girl. KB's boss, apparently Andy, says hi as if he didn't have a major part to play in the dance happening to begin with.
1:37:22 - UH OH. Chuck coming in right after Willard and SJP show up on a motorbike (really regretting that stupid limo). And he brought his stupid friends.
1:38:48 - Willard trying not to fight because of SJP but then she get manhandled and he gets attacked. "KILL THE SON OF A BITCH." Nice. SJP gets all the best lines.
1:39:52 - after KB and Willard get rid of Chuck and his buddies, Kevin Bacon comes running back inside and yells at everyone to start dancing as glitters falls onto his face. The 80s.
Great film. Very 80s in some parts (music, glitter, women, feathered hair) but man. Kevin Bacon. That kid is a star, I tell you.
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